I hate school

I hate School.

I hate going to school, and I know I'm not the only one - but it still feels like I'm so alone in feeling this way. It's hard for me to verbalise how I actually feel about school to anyone - even my friends', who I know feel equally traumatised about this situation. 

I have been trying to figure out why I detest school so much and I've found it's not exactly school that I hate - but the claustrophobic environment it presents. The atrocious popular kids who think they're so cool, dumb kids who - it seems - just keep getting dumber with each passing day, the smart kids who make me feel like the smallest ant to ever exist. The insecurities that school plants within every kid!

The fact that looking at people who are better than me makes me feel like I haven't done anything in life. The way my idea of success gets skewed by what others perception of it is. How I get so influenced by others decisions on life and how I don't grow or evolve - but instead, just keep shrinking until I'll finally dissolve into a mess that just can't think for herself and has zero ideas of her own. 

I dislike the teachers immensely as well. They all have favourites and I know I'll never be one. It's not like I try - and I suppose it's my fault, but it still annoys me. I always feel like I have it the worst when I look at other people. 

Maybe my problem is that I just despise people. And school forces me to interact with other Homo Sapiens, and I'm not quite ready for such an immense task yet. 

The funny thing is that school wasn't always this bad for me, it's only got bad this year, as in the year I turned sixteen. I had friends' before and I was almost happy but now it's like I have nothing in life while everyone else has everything figured out. The college they'll go to, the subjects they'll take up, the grades they're getting - everyone else is perfect except for me. 

I don't get why school inculcates such a mindset within us. Or maybe it's just me. Maybe all of this is just what comes with growing up. I just feel like screaming - I didn't sign up for this. But instead I choke down my own voice, bite my tongue and sit down - quite and silent. 

I don't open up to people in school or anywhere. I hate school. I hate other kids who just keep judging, judging, judging. Judge you by the marks you get, judge you by the way you look, judge you by your voice, judge you by your hair, your teeth - and then make a conclusion about you which is  incorrect almost all the time! 

School is filled with losers, and maybe - I'm just another one of them!