What being a teenager really means

When I was young and I read all those books and watched all those incredibly addictive Young Adult movies and rom-coms - I started embracing this really romanticised idea of what being a teenager is really like. I used to think being sixteen was cool. And super fun. 

If my ten year old self could see me right now - as a seventeen year old, I think she would just die of shock. I have turned to be absolutely nothing like how I thought I would end up. I used to imagine myself as the perfect seventeen year old: you know, glossy hair, flawless skin, extremely thin and beautiful along with the most robust social life and while also maintaining great grades.

Turns out I ended up nothing like that. I'm definitely not confident about how I look and I have a pathetic excuse of a social life. As for 'great grades' - let's not even go there.

I used to think great boys materialised out of nowhere. Like they just existed everywhere. Little did I know, there's nothing like a great boy. Boys are dumb. Period.

I used to be able to sleep so well when I was little, I was the deepest sleeper you could ever find. Not even an earthquake would be able to wake me up. But now, I can't even fall asleep. All these dark thoughts cloud up my brain and all I have are nightmares. I overthink to the point where I create monsters within my own head. I'm jealous and envious of everyone and everything - which leads to most of my relationships getting doomed.

I lose friends' and I don't bother keeping them. I don't even want them. I find new ones and then I chuck them too. I keep walls and am guarded and don't care if I come off as rude and mean. I rarely care for people. And sometimes when I do start to care - I lose interest soon enough.

Celebrities annoy me. I can rarely see beyond my own problems. I have become a selfish person with a completely rotten soul and I show no signs of change. I doubt I even wish to change. I don't bother showing anyone my true personality - how I'm actually like; not even the people closest to me. I let them make the judgements they want about me. They can create their own image of me.

Being a teenager is hard and it sucks. I feel sad all the time but there are some good times too. Being a teenager, you can see yourself growing up. Behaving like an adult - at least pretending to.

It's just very, very difficult and so emotionally draining to the point where in the end you hardly have any feelings left!